One of the Highest of Human Duties

My brother-in-law, Steve, is a lawyer by profession and a volleyball coach by avocation – and he’s great in both fields.

Steve sent me an e-mail last week in response to my blog article on how we need to be encouragers and not critics. It’s based on his coaching experience and could apply to many of our own life situations. I want to pass on to you a few of Steve's insight:

1. In coaching volleyball, I coach on the theory of "demand not command". Coaching by demanding, means you raise the expectation of a player to a realistic high level and then give positive reinforcement to the player so that she/he reaches that goal. You let them know the goal that you want them to achieve and tell them that you expect them to be able to reach that goal.

2. By coaching by demand and not command, the player is focused on the goal and not themselves. Command means, the coach commands the player to do this, don't do that, and never, ever do THAT!!! (i.e. those bosses who visited with Shannon). This focuses the player on the rules and pleasing the coach (or boss) and not on the task of playing their best to win the game and be a team player (or serving the children by following these rules that will help me to serve the children). These players play nervous. They worry about making mistakes and not actually contributing to the team (In Shannon's case, worrying too much about the rules and not focus on implementing the rules into a guide for serving the kids).

3. Studies have proven that during a timeout or right before a game, if a coach focuses on the negative, such as "don't serve into the net" that 80% of the time the player will immediately go out and serve the ball into the net! What the girl is remembering, on a subconscious basis is "serve into the net". So we as coaches should strive to coach using positive reinforcement such as, "Which zone do you want to serve to?" or "Do you think that the player in zone 5 can return your serve?" or "I want you to serve to zone 5".

All this is to say that those folks could have been better in relaying the message to Shannon. They could have easily shown Shannon and the others what to do and by doing it a certain way, then guess what, it also happens to put the Center in compliance with the rules.

Steve/Uncle Hutch

Great advice, Steve. Whatever position in life that God has put us in – parent, coach, supervisor or even as a friend – let’s encourage people to set realistic goals and then urge them on, through demand not command.

Makes me think of a great quote from William Barclay that a dear friend from my graduate school days once shared with me at church. It’s written in an old Bible of mine:

“One of the highest of human duties is the duty of encouragement. ... It is easy to laugh at man’s ideals. It is easy to pour cold water on the enthusiasm. It is easy to discourage others. The world is full of discouragers. We have a Christian duty to encourage one another. Many a time a word of praise or thanks or appreciation or cheer has kept a man on his feet. Blessed is the man who speaks such a word.”¹

Jim

¹ - William Barclay, Letter to the Hebrews: The Daily Study Bible (Edinburgh, Scotland: St. Andrews Press, 1955), pp. 137-138.