Tough Love

Lately I've been thinking of a friend of mine whom I believe needs to be confronted about an injustice in his life. I can't keep this concern out of my mind and know that it's time for me to speak to this person -- after lots of prayer and seeking counsel from others about how to go about this. But I don't look forward to this. He may get mad at me. He may not like me.

Why is it we have such a hard time confronting people? At least I do. Is it because we want everyone to like us? That's probably one reason. Also, we are generally self-protective, a phrase that I've heard the Christian counselor/therapist Larry Crabb use. We protect ourselves from getting hurt and so we tip toe around those whom we should be confronting in love. I know that I've done this too often -- and have in essence lived a lie. However, I believe the Lord has really helped me lately to be more honest with others, speaking the truth in love to them.

I was reading in Ezra this morning how mortified he was (rightly so) when he found out that his fellow Israelites, even some of the leaders, had intermarried with the pagan people of the land God had given them. They sinned against God by not keeping themselves "separate from the neighboring peoples with their detestable practices." After weeping before the Lord, confessing the sins of his people, Ezra then gathered the people together and said,

"You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel's guilt.
Now make confession to the LORD, the God of your fathers, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives. The whole assembly responded with a loud voice: "You are right! We must do as you say."

Wow! That was a bold move. Telling the Israelites who intermarried to send away their foreign wives and the children of these marriages! Yet Ezra did the right thing before the Lord. Not the popular thing, but the right thing.

Confronting people can be costly to the confronter. A loss of a relationship. Possible financial setback. A friend of mine from Dallas is a member of a growing community church that is being sued by one of its members because the leadership confronted this man about adultery that he would not repent of. This church is going through a lot of struggles, but they're doing the right thing before the Lord. And He will vindicate them!

Tough love is, well... tough -- but it can be the best thing for the one confronted...the loving thing. May the Lord strengthen us all to take a stand for Him, even when it's an unpopular stand, to be willing to confront fellow Christians who are in sin and to be willing to not be liked. It seems that the more deeply we are rooted in the unconditional love that is in Christ we are more likely to take unpopular stands that may cost us a relationship. Because we know that our relationship with Him will last forever.

I'd like to hear how you deal with conflict and have had to practice tough love with others (not using names of course).

Jim