Teach Me When to Help...and When Not To Help

One of the most difficult challenges as a follower of Christ when helping those in need is how to help people, how much to help them and when to NOT help them. That challenge presented itself yesterday at the end of the day.

Everyone had gone home. I was wrapping up my work and planning to make a run to the bank and a printer before going to the gym to work out. After locking the front door, I began my walk to the car when I heard the words, "Do you know where Jim is? O, Jim, there you are!" As I saw who it was, I made a big sigh and dropped my shoulders as I stopped in the middle of the street. It was probably visible to this person that I was very frustrated. Because I was!

"Weldon" has come by here so many times for help. Before hours, after hours, and occasionally when we're open. About two weeks ago he caught me about 7:45 in the morning as I came to work. He wanted me to take him to a burrito place to get him and his wife breakfast. After our morning devotional, I took Weldon to La Popular and bought him breakfast burritos and a couple lemonades.

Since then he's come to our place looking for more help. One evening about 9:30 when our janitor was here working, Weldon knocked on the door and asked, "Where's Jim? I need his help. Can I have his home phone?" I'm thankful that our janitor didn't give him the number. I need some boundaries.

Then last Sunday when I came over in the afternoon to help a volunteer bring a large mattress into our furniture storage area, I saw Weldon coming up the street. "Here we go again," I thought. This time Weldon insisted that I give him $5. He promised to pay me back. I repeatedly told him that I don't give out money nor loan money. But if he needed food, I'd go get him a couple hamburgers. Weldon wanted the money. And I said "No" and finally drove off.

Then came yesterday's incident. Weldon wanted me to drive him to Church's Chicken to buy 10 pieces of chicken for him and his wife. In my weak and codependent moment I told him that I'd come right back after going to the bank. While at the bank this thought hit me, maybe from the Lord: "Why should I treat him with special favor and take him to get some chicken while everyone else who comes to the Service Center gets food from our pantry, and receives it during the hours we're open?" I decided right then that I'd go by the Service Center and tell Weldon that I'd gladly give him some food from the pantry. Nothing else.

That night I processed with Susan my interaction with Weldon. Susan feels I'm far too easy on people, need to draw more boundaries and did the right thing by not being Weldon's chauffeur and giving him special treatment.

This whole process made me think of a great chapter in Eugene Peterson's book, Subversive Spirituality. It's titled, "Teach Us to Care, and Not to Care." He writes:

If unwary, the person providing care is co-opted into feeding selfishness, which is to say, sin. There is a great irony here -- that so much of our caring nurtures sin.

Peterson then provides two simple prayers to balance out our Christian compassion and Christian witness:

Teach us to care by teaching us to pray, to pray so that human need becomes the occasion for entering into and embracing the presence and action of God in this life.

Teach us the humility of not caring, so that we do not use anyone's need as a workshop to cobble together makeshift, messianic work that inflates our importance and indispensability.

What this experience with Weldon and these wise words of Peterson seem to tell me is that while I need to care for others as a representative of Christ in this world, I also need to not get in the way of God. To urge this person to depend on God, to seek Christ as the bread that feeds the soul and lasts forever. To draw boundaries and limits with this person so they will hopefully depend upon and be transformed by Jesus Christ.

The next time I see Weldon, I'll probably help him in some way. And yet I pray that the Lord prompts me through His Spirit to help or not help Weldon in a manner that truly helps him...and honors Christ. My greatest concern for Weldon is that he would fall into the arms of the One who will give him what he needs more than anything -- far much greater than a burrito or fried chicken.

Jim