Lessons from a 3 Year Olds' Class

At the end of the day our receptionist, Roberta Brown, handed me a piece of paper. Written on it were some notes she took about a conflict resolution procedure that is followed in a class at Rainbow Bible School. Rainbow is a Christian pre-school where Roberta works at her other job. Here's the procedure:

When a child comes to you to report a complaint about another child:

1. Ask -- Have you discussed this problem with the person you're upset with? If not, go to them and talk it over.

2. If you have talked to this person and it isn't resolved, then:

a. Tell what happened

b. Tell what you did

c. What are two other things you could have done?

d. What will you try to do next?

You may wonder why I shared with you a procedure with 3 year olds. Because quite frankly we adults sometimes act like three year olds when it comes to conflicts. We'll do everything but talk directly to the person. I'm one of those guilty of this sin.

In my job at the Service Center, with so many volunteers working together each day, conflicts are bound to rise to the surface. And they periodically do. Too often people try to "triangle" me into their conflict -- telling me what this other person did or said to them that offended them. And then they want me to go talk with them. Occcasionally, I'll start jumping into the problem to resolve it -- and then I catch myself, saying, "Wait...why am I getting in the middle of their problem?"

I tell our volunteers over and over that if we're going to work through conflict in healthy ways, we need to do it the Jesus way. In Matt. 18 He clearly tells His disciples to go to a person first and try to work out your differences. If that doesn't work, then take someone with you. I love that approach. And it certainly works for us here when we obey the Lord and follow His life-giving way.

Why is it that we are reluctant to go directly to the person that has offended us? Two words come to mind: SELF PROTECTION. Author Larry Crabb taught me this truth years ago. Our carnal nature tries to protect ourselves from getting hurt, and so we're much more likely to talk about a person with whom we have a conflict than talk to that person. However, if we are secure in God's love and deeply trust Him to bless our obedience to Him, then we'll take the risk and, like the 3 year olds are told to do, first discuss this problem with the person with whom we're upset.

Again, the Jesus way is the only way to go. And yesterday I needed guidelines for 3 year olds to learn this lesson once more.

Jim