Questions

Last Thanksgiving we had 18 people around our dinner table. Soon after we started eating, we passed around a basket full of slips of paper. Each slip had a different question on it: "What was your childhood home like? What's the worst job you've ever had? Who was the first person you kissed?" It was fascinating and at times hilarious to hear different family members respond to these questions. We learned a lot about each other that day -- not just information, but what was going on in our hearts.

Last night I finished an excellent article in the new Leadership Journal. It was titled "Question Marks" by one of my favorite authors, Gordon MacDonald. He noted that from his 40 plus years of experience as a pastor, he's found that good questions posed to others is a great way to minister to people's souls.

Gordon observes how often Jesus asked people questions: "Do you want to get well,?" He asks the crippled man. "Why do you doubt?," He questions His disciples.

MacDonald writes: "The questions of the Savior...forced self-discovery, priority-setting, repentance, and growth." "Question asking is..one of the most important functions of a pastor or spiritual director: to connect with someone's minds and heart and lead them toward enlightenment about God, about themselves, about a higher view of life."

Do you know what question I try to avoid asking? It's "How are you?" Here's one I like to ask rather: "What have been some of your blessings and what have been some of your challenges?" A question like this shows that you really do want to know about this person's life and it gives them the option to either tell of something they thank God for or be a bit vulnerable and describe what has been bothering them lately.

I agree with MacDonald that a well-crafted question can have a tremendous impact on a person you're with -- and hopefully show them that you care for what is most important to their lives, especially their eternal souls.

After reading some of this article to Susan last night, she informed me that her sister-in-law, who will be hosting Thanksgiving this year, has asked me to be in charge of the questions at the dinner table. I look forward to hearing responses from family members as we ask about what's going on in each other's hearts. I just have a feeling that it will be a holy moment. Because asking people significant questions can be so powerful in getting to what really counts in life.

Jim