Father Approval

Like most of us probably, I didn't really think much of how much my father's influence had on me until I became a Dad and entered into my 30's. And it really didn't hit me until I read the classic book by Smalley and Trent, The Blessing.

Even though my parents divorced when I was about 12 and my Dad remarried, I had a good relationship with my Dad. He stayed in touch with us children, having us over to his house on Wedneday nights and Sunday mornings. Dad took me deep sea fishing, to road races, Putt-Putt, car exhibits (he loved foreign cars and instilled in me that same passion), etc. Even though he never knew his own father, who died in surgery when my father was only one, my Dad did the best he could. Imperfect, like my parenting, but good.

I think most of our experience would be that as good as our father may have been, we may not have gotten the blessing and affirmation that perhaps we thought we should. And if we didn't get that blessing, as Smalley and Trent explained so well, there's an empty spot in our lives that can lead to lots of insecurity as an adult.

This struggle of searching for father approval is portrayed so well in the quiet little film of 1999 titled "October Sky." Susan and I rented it for 99 cents and watched it last night. The last few minutes left me in tears. It's a delightful movie, based on a true story (my favorite kind) of four boys growing up in a coal town in Virginia during the 50's. After these young high schoolers heard the news about Russia launching the first satellite, they became obsessed with building a rocket.

But the subplot, which in some ways is the main story, was about this one boy, Homer Hickham, who wanted his coal mining father to believe in his dream.

Our kids both have dreams -- Shannon wants to be a nurse and is entering her third year of nursing school this fall; Aaron wants to be a college basketball referree and he called us last night with excitement, telling us he's been invited to the tryouts for this job.

Susan and I want to be champions for our kids, letting them know that we are behind them in pursuing these dreams. I realize that we can only do so much in giving them the blessing. Human power has its limits -- only a blessing from our Father can give us the deep soul affirmation that we need. And yet I'm just wondering that as parents, if we try to give our kids the blessing, in the name of Jesus, we'll help our children recognize the Father's deep, deep love for them. And for them to know the approval of the Father, through faith in Jesus Christ, will be for them the greatest blessing of all.

I know this subject touches a deep nerve in many of us. But I believe that if we ignore this issue, we'll miss out on receiving the healing love that Abba Father wants to pour into us. And thus limp throughout our lives.

How did you get the blessing from your father? Or, if you didn't, how has the Lord blessed you with His Fatherly love -- perhaps through the love of father figures or mother figures in the body of Christ?

Jim