Confession Time

Okay, it's time for a confession. My wife and kids know this sin. And I just can't seem to lick it. I obsess over and worry about money too much. Shannon told Susan and me recently, "Al's family (Al is her boyfriend) never talk about low-fat food and money like you guys do."

Personal financial management is kind of a hobby of mine. This may seem weird, but I thoroughly enjoy those Saturday mornings at the first of the month when Susan and I sit down for an hour or two and have a finance meeting. We use the Larry Burkett sheet on calculating a monthly budget (this has been a tremendous guide for us for many years). We write out our tithe and offering checks for the first part of the month. And of course we have our occasional (not so occasional at times!) argument about how to spend money. Susan is more of a spender, I tend to be more thrifty (translation: "tightwad"). And these days the Lord has given us much more financial peace (a lot fewer fights) about our money (which of course is God's money --we're just stewards of these temporary funds).

Since going through classes at church -- studying Bruce Ammons' book, Conquering Debt and Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace -- we've really made some headway in this area, praise the Lord. Instead of borrowing money from the bank or charging something on our credit card, Susan and I are trying to avoid credit and ask God to provide. By His grace, we've managed to build up enough savings in our emergency account that we're be able to pay cash when our van's brakes go out or the washing machine breaks down.

And yet in the midst of these financial victories, I still struggle with worrying over money -- will we have enough for retirement? ; can we get our kids through college without borrowing? What about paying for weddings? Will I be able to work for many years after I turn 65 (which I'd prefer)? These kinds of questions especially roll around in my mind when I wake up at 3 in the morning and cannot sleep.

I know Jesus tells us to worship Him and not money. And I know He urges us to trust Him for our daily provision and seek Him first each day. And I'm fully aware that our Father truly does own the cattle on a thousand hills and loves us so much that He will always take care of His children.

And yet, my flesh still wrestles with these money matters. The other day when I was praying about this, asking the Lord to take away my obsession with money, He reminded me of what my sponsor told me when I was in the 12 step program. "Bob" had been an alcoholic for many years and finally began working the steps. When he came to step 3, that was the big turning point. Before that moment he had been asking God for many months to take away his desire to drink. God didn't answer that prayer. But when "Bob" began practicing step 3 (Make a decision to turn your life over to the care of God), that's when God took aware Bob's desire to drink.

What's the lesson? The Lord doesn't want us to fix things in our lives. He wants us!! He wants our hearts more than anything. Isn't that why Jesus talked so much about money because He knows how it can become such an idol in our lives?

And so I once more come to the Lord, confessing my sins and turning my life over to Him, dying to myself and living for Him. I admit that nothing can sustain or satisfy my life more than Him -- as I dwell on His word and let His Holy Spirit have His way in me. I pray that as I let the Holy Spirit fill me each day, when I have another conversation with our kids at the dinner table or wake up in the middle of the night, I won't mainly talk about or think about finances, but about Jesus.

Jim