Secrecy

My heart has been heavy the past 20 hours or so after reading of yet another minister accused of moral failure. Hearing this news triggered memories of other men I know, some of whom I worked closely with, that were discovered to have multiple sexual encounters with women over the years. I think of the heartache that ripples out from this secret sinful behavior - wives crushed in spirit and embarrassed, children confused and angry, congregations feeling betrayed. The devil really does a number on us when he gets ahold of a Christian leader and brings him down.

The word "secrecy" came to mind this morning as I thought about these moral failings. One preacher I admired told me that Satan does his best work in the dark. That's why it's so important that we bring everything about our lives into the light, he advised me (Ironically, this same man was later discovered to be living a secret life of sexual sin).

When I was in the 12 steps program, one of the mantras of our support group was "You're as sick as your secrets." What is it about our human nature that we tend to hide things about ourselves? I can think of a few things:

1. We don't want to let on to others when we're struggling.

2. We try to handle our problems on our own.

3. Perhaps we get some sort of high by thinking we can indulge in our secret sins and not get caught.

I'm wondering if our bent towards secrecy is rooted mainly in pride. We don't want to be dependent on others to help us face and overcome our sin. We want to save face and therefore are reluctant to tell others about our dark impulses and fleshly indulgences. As a Christian, I've been ashamed at some of the things I want to do or end up doing. And so at times I didn't tell a fellow believer -- and that always led to trouble.

On the flip side, however, whenever I've been a part of a small group or confided in a close frienship where we got honest with each other, inevitably we became relieved that we weren't the only ones struggling with this sin or problem. And we could sense a movement of the Spirit among us as we confessed our sins to one another. We brought things into the light, and Jesus always blesses such actions by giving us a deeper sense of His presence.

I'll always remember that morning about 16 years ago when I called my new friend Bill Nash, a recovering aloholic. I had yelled at the kids that morning as I took them to school. Then when I got to work I felt so bad about my behavior that I knew that I needed to call someone to get help. Bill's name came to mind. My first words to Bill were something like, "Bill, I'm a perfectionist. And I'm hurting my family because of this. I need help." That began a long-term friendship with a man with whom I could be gut level honest. And he accepted me and loved me, even when he knew of the junk in my life.

Yes, we are as sick as our secrets. Yet on the positive side, I think we're as healthy as our honesty. Like the 5th step says, "We admit our wrongs to God and to somebody else," and the secrets come out from the dark. And we step into the light of the living God where there is forgiveness, mercy, grace and freedom.

Jim