Conflicts and Confrontations

The last couple weeks I've been bothered by what I've seen are some inequities. Some injustices. This morning I couldn't sleep past 5:15 because I was wrestling with what I think may be a great injustice. It seems it's time I deal with this.

But before I do, it would be wise to hold off and do a few other things first. Whenever I've been upset with someone in the past and jumped in and confronted them about it without first thinking or praying, it usually has backfired. I remember a time years ago in another state where some people told me I needed to confront a person in our church. I did... and it resulted in a very painful rift between me and that person -- that really wasn't resolved until years afterward.

So before I confront a brother or sister in Christ about something they did or are doing that I think is wrong, I believe the Lord wants me to do these things first:

1. Pray (the obvious, of course). Pray over my motives. Ask God to give me a spirit of love and to deliver me from a judgmental, angry spirit. Seek discernment over whether I need to let this go and or go forward and deal with it. "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." -- Prov. 19:11

This morning I read a passage in Deuteronomy 1 that really spoke to me about this area of confrontation.

After the spies went into the land and came back with a bad report, the Israelites complained to the Lord about bringing them out of Egypt. Then Moses tells them:

"Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes..." -- Deut. 1:29b-30

The other sad part of this story is when they decided to go up and fight the giants in the land -- by their own power, by their own initiative!:

"We have sinned against the LORD. We will go up and fight, as the LORD our God commanded us." So every one of you put on his weapons, thinking it easy to go up into the hill country. But the LORD said to me, "Tell them, 'Do not go up and fight, because I will not be with you. You will be defeated by your enemies.'" -- Deut. 1:41-42

Before I go talk to someone about a concern I have about them or our relationship, I need to first spend some time in prayer and ask God to fight my battle. Otherwise, I'm on my own -- relying on the flesh (which always gets me in trouble) rather than relying on the Holy Spirit to fight this battle.

2. Examine myself. Jesus says, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?...first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." -- Matt. 7:3 and 5

It's so easy to see someone else's blind spots, but not my own. Early this morning when I was thinking of what I felt was an inconsistencies in the lives of others, it seemed that the Lord convicted me that I am guilty at times of the same thing. So, before I get so "holier than thou," I need to humble myself before the Lord and examine my own flaws -- and realize that if I go talk to someone about what I see is the error of their ways, I go as a man who has his own errors, flaws and sins. "The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways..." -- Prov. 14:8

3. Talk to a trusted friend. It's so helpful to process with a wise person whom you can trust to keep a confidence and let you talk through your frustration and anger. He or she may know more of the facts about the situation than I do. They may help me see the issue more clearly, which may be clouded in my mind because of my anger or self-centeredness. There's a a passage in Proverbs that says that in many counselors there is wisdom. (I can't find the verse).

And this morning the story of David, Abigail and Nabal came to mind. David was about to exact revenge on Nabal. But Abigail intervened and stopped him from doing this rash act. Eventually, the Lord fought David's battle and took care of Nabal. "Vengeance is mine, says the Lord." (Rom. 12).

I'm going to try practicing these three things before I go talk to those with whom I have problems and differences. Though my flesh wants me to take control and get it done, I know from experience and God's word that it's always best to be led by the Spirit. And to let the Lord fight my battles...and not me.

Still learning,

Jim