ADC's (Adult Children of Divorce)

Last Saturday night while finishing up my prep for our men's class, I re-read a section on healing in John Eldredge's excellent book that we're studying, Waking the Dead. Eldredge suggests that Christians ask Jesus to bring to mind things in our past that have hindered our walk with Him -- and then ask the Lord to heal our wounds. I decided that if I were to teach this section of the book in a more transforming way, I had better do more than give an academic lesson. So I got on my knees and asked Jesus to reveal areas of my heart that need healing -- and then invited Him in to do His heart surgery on me. What came to mind was my parents' divorce when I was about 12 years old.*

That next morning I told the guys about this experience and how I wondered if some of my insecurities and anger came from not processing those painful memories. I told of how I once read Judith Wallerstein's ground-breaking book, Second Chances. She tells of her findings from a 25-year study of the impact of divorce on adult children. As I read her book and thought of my own experiences as a pre-adolescent witnessing our household being ripped apart, I began to realize how those childhood wounds had effected me negatively.

The pain of divorce really hits home during the holidays, when the parents try figuring out where the kids go for dinner and opening presents. I went through this for eight years. This Christmas let's you and I pray for those children we know who now live in a fractured home. They're in for a long-term need for healing from the Lord.

I have a friend here in Abilene who told me last week that his wife took their four kids to live with her mother. And now the grandmother is standing in the way of him, blocking him from seeing his own children. I pray for my friend and for his precious young kids. We're in a spiritual battle for families, my brothers and sisters. For those of us married, let's stay deeply committed to our spouses. And for all of us, may we especially be in prayer for those families hit by the tidal wave of divorce that is slamming our country.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on us all. And please heal our land -- begining with children of divorce. Amen.

Jim

* A wonderful postscript to my parents' story is that they remarried each other nine years later and stayed together until my father's death in 2003. I praise God for their reconciliation.