Self-Awareness

Our kids each told us a story recently that made me think of how important it is that we have a sense of self-awareness -- and how often we don't.

Shannon was traveling back from Iowa last Sunday after a visit to her boyfriend. She said that throughout the 2 hours flight from Des Moines to Dallas, a woman behind her talked non-stop to the passenger next to her. I would have gone crazy. A little chit chat on the plane is okay with me. But being stuck with a compulsive talker for two hours would drive me a bit nuts.

Then Aaron told us at dinner about how he was riding in the car with a friend for nearly three hours. His other friends were in the back so they could sleep. Aaron was exhausted after a very busy week. All he wanted to do was sleep. And yet the driver talked almost the entire trip. Aaron tried to give the guy a hint -- you know, eyes at half-mast, head nodding, maybe even pretending he was snoring. Apparently, his friend was oblivious to how sleepy Aaron was so he just went right on with his incessant monologue.

I'm curious how a lack of self-awareness impacts our relationship with others. I think that those who are married often have no idea how selfish they can be, or bossy, or controlling. Sometimes it takes a wakeup call from their spouse to realize their need to change. I've heard of wives telling their husbands how certain behavior of theirs really bothers them. As I recall, one of these wives names was Susan. Hmmm.

Isn't it interesting how we can see the flaws in others but we often can't see the defects/sins in ourselves? I'm wondering what you've found that makes you more self-aware...and realize that it's time for some changes.

As you get older, have you noticed your reaction when you see a picture of yourself? "Oh, I've got to lose some weight." Or "I didn't realize how gray my hair is." Or, "Am I really getting that bald?" A pause to take a look at ourselves can reveal the flaws that we normally don't see every day.

Maybe that's why Scripture describes God's word as a mirror:

For if you just listen and don’t obey, it is like looking at your face in a mirror but doing nothing to improve your appearance. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you keep looking steadily into God’s perfect law—the law that sets you free—and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

-- James 1:23

What does it take to become more self-aware -- to recognize our character defects which may be hurting our relationship with others, not to mention how we relate to God? I thought of a couple things:

1. Ask others who love you and know you well to speak the truth about you. If it's a close friend or a spouse, just say, "What are some things that I need to change in my life that would improve our relationship?" It takes a lot of humility and courage to ask such a question. But the answer, if this loved one is honest with you, could be a major turning point in your life. What is it that proverb says? "Better is open rebuke than hidden love." (Proverbs 27:5)

2. Ask the Lord to reveal ways you need to change. David's bold prayer comes to mind:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

- Psalm 139:23-24

Taking this personal inventory regularly can be painful. We may want to run from such self-examination, because we don't want to admit when we're wrong. And yet if we believe that the Father LOVES us and has good in store for us as He changes us for His glory, we'll regularly sit quietly in front of the mirror and allow Him do His spiritual makeover in our souls.

For the past several years I've met nearly every Tuesday for a prayer lunch with my dear friend, Neil Tatom. He often closes his prayer with these words: "Lord, please make us more like Jesus." Don't you think that if we keep asking the Holy Spirit to transform us into more Christ-likeness, He'll make us more self-aware? Jesus will show us ways we need to change, including sin in our lives that not only bothers others but also offends His holiness. He will then make us much more pleasant to be around. And He'll enhance our witness for Him before others.

And one of those changes will likely be that we''ll listen to others more... and talk less. Which makes for a much more enjoyable companion at work, in our homes -- and even when we're on a plane or in a car.

Jim