Our Secret Doubts

I'm sure that millions of people will find it fascinating to hear of the book being released that describes the doubts that plagued a spiritual hero to many -- Mother Teresa. This excerpt from the Christian Science Monitor expresses my reaction to this news:

The book, "Come Be My Light," puts together in one place her writings about her private, inner conflict which were penned in letters to her confessors and superiors.

The writings, edited by Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk, a proponent for her sainthood, show not only a religious leader tormented by doubt, but pained by it for almost 50 years. The struggle lasted right up until her passing a decade ago.

"Where is my Faith – even deep down right in there is nothing but emptiness & darkness...," she wrote in an undated address to Jesus, at the suggestion of one of her confessors.

From all walks of life, and at all levels, people struggle with doubt – religious and otherwise – on a daily basis: youngsters facing their first day of kindergarten; alcoholics struggling to recover; presidents with world-shaping decisions to make.

Abraham Lincoln was filled with self-doubt, and yet overcame it to lead the country through the Civil War. Martin Luther King Jr. often talked about his doubts – about his ability or willingness to commit to and sustain the civil-rights movement, and his fear of assassination.

It's tempting to think of great moral leaders as unshakable warriors, but that is so rarely true. And it's tempting to think that their courage and good deeds are not possible for the general population to achieve.

But the case of Mother Teresa should make her works feel more accessible to people. If "the saint of the gutters" was tormented by personal failings, then those who feel less saintly can also commit to acts of charity. (From “The Doubting Mother Teresa,” Yahoo News, August 30. 2007)

Let's be honest here -- aren't we reluctant to let others know of our doubts? Especially if we are placed in a position of leadership. We want to appear strong, trusting God for every challenge that comes our way. Having an unwavering confidence in Jesus and our relationship with Him. I have a feeling, though, that many of us have our moments of doubt. I certainly have.

For many years as a Christian I viewed prayer and confession as a private matter. I wasted so many years hiding my struggles from other believer. Two things held me back from asking from admitting these battles with doubt:

1. My pride. I wanted to appear strong in the Lord in front of other believers, especially those who seemed to struggle a lot.

1. My ignorance of how other Christians were struggling with some of the same things as I was – but none of us were communicating and therefore we were all attempting to handle our problems on our own.

I recall a time many years ago when I was in a dorm room at Harding University, studying for the ministry. I had doubts about my faith and questions that I was afraid to ask my professors. And I was becoming increasingly frustrated with the legalism I witnessed in the church. But I didn’t know who to talk to.

When I shared some of these struggles with Susan, who was living in Dallas at the time, she began sending me some tapes by a preacher named Lynn Anderson. Of course, many of us who have any awareness of the Highland Church knew that he preached here for 19 years. And he was one of the few ministers of the gospel who expressed publicly his struggles. And people love him for it -- probably because he expressed some of the same things they battled, but were afraid to admit.

I decided to write Lynn a letter and open my heart to him. And he wrote back the most encouraging letter, empathizing with me. What a blessing he was to me.

Mother Teresa's confession don't shock me, though they do sadden me that she suffered so much. But her journals do remind me that all of us believers in Jesus have feet of clay -- which often may include periods of doubt.

How do you handle your times of doubt? Do you have a special friend with whom you can tell your secrets, including your doubts?

Jim

Claiming Our Freedom

At lunch yesterday, just as we were about to leave from our meal at Los Arcos, my good friend asked me, "What word from the Lord do you have for me today, Jim?"

What immediately came to mind were the words from 2 Corinthians I had read that morning.

My words to him were something like this, "Randy, because you believe in Christ, you are free, my brother. Free from rules and regulations. Unbound from the interpretations of men. Don't let anyone put a yoke of legalism on you. You're a new creation. You're a living letter from Christ because the Holy Spirit lives in you. Because you're now living under the New Covenant you can be bold and confident in Jesus."

I felt myself getting very passionate as I preached the good news to my dear brother in Christ. His eyes lit up as he heard this word from the Lord. His spirit seemed lifted up.

I just love speaking the gospel to other believers, reminding them of the incredible freedom we have in Christ. Freedom to now serve the living God and not a law or a tradition or ourselves.

And there's something liberating that the Lord does in our own soul as we overhear ourselves telling this good news to others. We just might claim this freedom for our own soul once more.

By the way, I think you'd be blessed by checking out yesterday's blog post by Mike Cope -- www.preachermike.com. It's about the scandal of the gospel and has some great quotes from Galatians.

Jim

A Different Sort of Birthday Party

Students from Abilene Christian Schools at Trevor's Birthday Party

A man called me recently to let me know of an unusual event that would impact our ministry. His thirteen-year-old son, Trevor, was having his birthday party in a few days at a gymnastic center. I've been to several of such parties for our kids and others. But this one was going to be much different.

Trevor decided that instead of asking his friends to bring him gifts, he wanted them to bring something that would bless some children in need. His Dad asked me how they could benefit the Christian Service Center and the first thing that came to mind was school supplies. His Dad said, "That's perfect. I'll call you next week from the party so you can come pick up the supplies."

A few days later I found myself at the gymnastics center surrounded by a bunch of giggling adolescents. I arrived just in time to see Trevor's Mom cut the cake. Then Trevor's father introduced me and let me speak to these kids. I was so moved by what they did. And after joining them for cake and ice cream and taking the above photo, I headed out the door with several bags of school supplies and $113 in cash that the kids had donated.

Through their generosity, we were able to bless even more low-income children in Abilene who were in need of school supplies. I just love this story of some young teenagers who could be the normally self-absorbed kids that I certainly was at that age. But through the influence of their buddy Trevor, they experienced the joy of giving to others which Jesus tells us far surpasses the experience of receiving.

Happy birthday, Trevor. And thanks for the tremendous lesson you taught us about being others-centered.

Jim

Smelly Christians

One of my favorite moments lately is when I can grab a half an hour or so before going to bed and reading this fascinating biography called Amazing Grace -- the story of William Willbeforce. Many of you have probably seen the film by this title that tells his story. If not, when it comes out on DVD let me urge you to rent it.

Last night I read the part where he was into a 9 year battle against the slave trade in England. The guy just wouldn't give up. The slave trade was much more than a political issue for him -- it was a matter of moral conviction born from his deep faith in Jesus Christ. And ironically, this man who fought for the cessation of this brutal treatment of African slaves was severely criticized and mocked by some of his fellow Parlimentarians. Even the famous author James Boswell wrote a poem making fun of Willberforce.

In 2 Corinthians 2, Paul talks about "smelly Christians":

Our lives are a fragrance presented by Christ to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those being saved and by those perishing. To those who are perishing we are a fearful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved we are a life-giving perfume.

His fellow Christians in England, who also became outraged when hearing the truth about the brutality of the slave trade, loved Willberforce and were very supportive. But those who didn't belong to Christ couldn't stand the guy. An aging preacher named John Wesley, who was continually persecuted by many leaders in the Church of England as he preached the gospel, wrote a letter to Willberforce. He warned him that the "devils of hell" will oppose his cause of championing abolition. However, he reminded him that if God be for him, who could be against him?

Reading Willberforce's story, and reflecting on other stories of Christian reformers, remind me that the message of Christ will not be accepted by everyone. In fact many people won't like how we "smell." This is so hard for us because our flesh wants to be popular with others, to be liked.

I just think that let new converts know that not everyone is going to like them for their new relationship with Christ. And isn't this an especially difficult lesson to teach our children? Being a serious follower of Jesus will cause some of their peers to avoid them. To even make fun of them.

But it's worth it. After all, you just can't find many biographies of cynical people, naysayers and critics. It's those who take a bold stance for their convictions that inspires us to do the same. And especially those who courageously go against the grain of this world. They may smell terribly to non-believers, but to God and to us as fellow Christians, their life-giving perfume is so pleasing to our souls.

Jim

Never Alone

Most Sunday afternoons is block of time where I give myself about three hours to disengage. That usually means flopping on the couch of our den to watch a golf tournament. Susan has already retreated to the bedroom for her long nap. I tend to dose off for a few minutes with the volume down low on the T.V. so I can watch the golfers in my semi-conscious state.

This time I took a brief diversion away to a story on the Discovery Channel about a daring photographer. This man liked to put himself in dangerous situations in order to capture shots in nature that few others have documented. There he was perched on a bluff, camera and long lens in hand, pointing toward some Alaska Brown bears trying to swoop fish out of a shallow river. As his camera's shutter fired away, he spoke about how the bears could run up the bluff in a few seconds and maul him. But he kept on shooting, and got some phenomenal photographs.

His next daring adventure was when he came upon a tall cliff next to an ocean bay with a large opening in the rock. He decided to climb up the steep cliff with a backpack filled with camera equipment, which the narrator said weighed as much as a golf bag full of clubs.

When he got to the top of the cliff, he then slowly eased his way over so that he was right over the opening of the cliff and then rappelled down until he got to the point where he could take some dramatic photos through the opening. Sadly, just as he got in the perfect position to take his pictures, his plan fell apart. His hands froze shut from fatigue and he became stuck on the rope, dangling a few feet from frigid water. That's when the lone ranger realized he needed some help.

He cried out, "Help me. I need some help. I need you to come quickly." In what seemed to be a painfully long time, his fiancee motored over to him in a little rubber boat. The photographer kept crying out for her to come quickly, fearing he would lose his grip and drop into the water. Finally she positioned the boat under him and gradually lowered him into the little boat. It was so obvious that this man was greatly relieved since he knew that he couldn't have rescued himself from his predicament.

I know that the lesson for us all is quite obvious -- we really get in trouble when we try to do things on our own. I guess it's that carnal nature we as Christ-followers continue battling. We want to still be somewhat independent, to not ask for help. But I know that my life gets awfully messy when I try to be a lone ranger. And every time I ask for others' help, when I admit my need and realize I cannot do this project by myself, God blesses me when I call on others.

What challenge have you faced lately where you recognized that if others hadn't intervened, you would have surely failed?

Jim

Pitfalls of pride

Every once in a while an e-mail comes my way that I know I must read. It's a brief message from John Piper, who is a Christ-centered, Bible-honoring and God-exalting preacher at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minnesota.

His words on the danger of pride were sobering. Here's an excerpt from what he said to his staff at a recent retreat:

Beware of pride which brings destruction (2 Chronicles 26).

Uzziah became king of Judah when he was sixteen. He reigned 52 years. “He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. . . . He set himself to seek God in the days of Zechariah, who instructed him in the fear of God, and as long as he sought the Lord, God made him prosper” (2 Chronicles 26:4-5). He became very strong and everywhere he went God helped him. But then the constant and thudding theme of the Old Testament happened again. The best kings fail.

“His fame spread far, for he was marvelously helped, till he was strong. But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction. For he was unfaithful to the Lord his God and entered the temple of the Lord to burn incense on the altar of incense.” (vv. 15-16). His God-given success proved to be his ruin! He became proud. And his pride expressed itself in feeling himself to be above the law and above criticism. So he entered the temple to do what only the priests were allowed to do.

Azariah and eighty priests who were “men of valor” confronted the king in the name of the Lord. “It is not for you, Uzziah, to burn incense to the Lord. . . . Go out of the sanctuary, for you have done wrong, and it will bring you no honor from the Lord God” (v. 18). When Uzziah became angry, God struck him with leprosy in his face, and he lived the rest of his life in a separate house as a leper (v. 21).

Bethlehem, God has strengthened us. We are at risk of this leprosy: “But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction.” What then shall we do? I said two things to the staff:

1) Never let me be above criticism and correction. I invite you to give me constructive criticism whenever you see some attitude or words or actions that dishonor the Lord.

2) Stay close to the cross and never cease to be amazed and thankful that you are saved. People who are perpetually and thankfully amazed that God has saved them are not likely to be destroyed by pride.

For more on Piper, go to www.DesiringGod.org

Jim

Me vs. Them

Last Thursday Susan and I hosted a Brazil prayer session and planning session, as we prepare to go back there next summer. After listening for a minute or so to a wonderful praise CD on the goodness of the Lord to us, we entered into an extended time of prayer. One person confessed a sin to God that I have never heard prayed. He said, "Lord, I tend to think of myself too much. It seems that in every part of my life I'm always thinking of me. Please forgive me for my self-centeredness."

He confessed a sin that in our honest moments we could all admit to the truth that too often "it's all about me." I guess it's our human nature. This centrifugal force of the flesh is continually pulling us into this me-centered lifestyle. And of course the only solution to this problem is death -- death to self as we surrender to Jesus and let His Spirit rule in our hearts.

Paul made this point so well when chiding the Corinthians for their misuse of gifts:

Since you are so eager to have spiritual gifts, ask God for those that will be of real help to the whole church. -- 1 Cor. 14:12

My prayer after reading this passage early this morning was, "Lord, please use the spiritual gifts You have given me to bless others. And to not keep thinking of my needs, but of others."

One of the reasons I absolutely love going on these Brazil campaigns is to experience and witness the amazing unity of Christians who are focused on the common goal of sharing Jesus with others. As we gather items for garage sales, write fund-raising letters, meet for prayer sessions, load our luggage on a bus to DFW, get settled into our hotel in Brazil, sing in the mall, work diligently at the camp and so on -- there is so much JOY. It's the joy that the Lord gives when His people work together for His honor. It was all about others for the glory of God, and not all about us. And because of that focus we had, we received an amazing blessing from the Holy Spirit -- that unspeakable joy.

When we think and act in terms of them and not me, in the name of Jesus, I truly believe that the Lord gives us that experience from His promise that it truly is more blessed to give than to receive.

Jim

Spirit- tempered Relationships

Yesterday when I got some news from one of my brothers out in California, I got really mad. He told me that a person we've hired to take care of some property issues for my mother has been dragging his feet for a long time. These past several months I've called him over and over. He keeps telling me he'll take care of the matter and then we learn later that he still has not done the job. I've contacted the man who hired this property guy and urged him to put the pressure on him. He says that he tries to motivate the man, but nothing gets done.

In the heat of my frustration, I composed a rather strong e-mail to this person we hired. I could feel my blood boil as I hit each key. Man, I felt such righteous indignation! There's an adrenalin rush that flies through your body when you ventilate your feelings toward someone who has not done you right.

However, just before I hit the send key, Someone appeared to hit the pause button on my heart. It seemed wise to first send the e-mail to my siblings, to get their input and make sure I wasn't just reacting in anger.

One of my personal policies is to not use e-mail for confrontation. Therefore, I felt that if I were to sent this man an e-mail I should first call him to let him know of my deep frustration with his service and that I'll be sending him a message via e-mail to explain why I'm so disappointed in his work and what the consequences will be if he wouldn't act immediately (no, I wouldn't threaten him with a law suit but rather go hire someone else).

One of my brothers responded to my e-mail and shared my anger. In fact, he felt I was too nice. I'm still waiting to hear back from my other brother and my sister before I do anything.

Above all, I want to respond in a way that honors Jesus Christ. I realize that this still may involve tough love and not letting this man run over us. But yet as followers of the Lord Jesus we must deal with those with whom we have conflict in a Spirit-led way. God's honor is at stake...and so are eternal souls.

Reading 1 Corinthians 10 this morning gave me a lot to ponder as I considered this conflict with these two service providers. While the context of Paul's teaching was about eating food sacrificed to idols, what He says guides us in how to use our freedom in Christ for unselfish purposes.

Before rising from my chair this morning to shower and dress, I spent a long time reflecting on this verse:

I try to please everyone in everything I do. I don’t just do what I like or what is best for me, but what is best for them so they may be saved. -- 1 Cor. 10:33

How would my relationship with this service provider (and thus my e-mail to him) be shaped by the reality that he may not be saved? And what if I considered not what is best for me but what is best for him -- especially his eternal soul?

I realized that we don't need to be codependent with people and put up with shoddy work. If someone we hire is not getting the job done, we have every right to release him and find someone else. But mustn't we do so in a way that differs radically from the way the world would do this?

And so, I come back to my e-mail. I'm asking the Lord to above all temper my attitude through His Spirit's work in my heart. Again, His honor is at stake. And the way I handle this matter could make a profound difference in this person (who irritates me terribly) who was created by God and for whom Jesus died.

Jim

Psalm Therapy

One of my favorite things to do when asked to pray for someone at an elders' meeting is to pray a psalm over someone. I did that again recently, using a recent favorite of mine -- Psalm 57:

I cry out to God Most High,
to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.
He will send help from heaven to save me,

Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens!
May your glory shine over all the earth. -- Ps. 57: 2-3a, 5, NLT

As we all heard God's word spoken over this person, it seemed so evident to all of us that we were visited by the presence of the Holy Spirit.

I just love how the Psalms speaks to our emotions. The Lord in His wisdom and grace gave us this wonderful book which helps us express our deep feelings to Him -- whether they be anger, sadness or exhilarating joy.

If you're like me, the psalms in my Bibles have notes next to them -- where I write down the date and how this psalm spoke to a particular challenge or turning point in my life:

Next to Psalm 116:7 "(Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.") is the note, "8-11-90 -- "Being led to Abilene."

At the heading of Psalm 130 (one of my all time favorites!) are my words, "St.Louis days" -- a time when Susan and I were training for a church planting...and really living on the edge of adventure and faith.

Right beside Psalm 96:4 ("For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.") is this notation: "6-11-00 -- Flying to Rio de Janeiro, after a fantastic campaign in Brazil" Little did I know that our family would return to Brazil three more times, and plan to go again next summer. God has been so faithful in all those campaigns.

I love to record my spiritual journey in my Bible. And so often those notations of God's work in my life are inscribed in the pages of the psalms.

How about you? What psalms have been some of your favorites? And how have they spoken to your heart lately?

Jim

Unreasonable Thinking

Scotty Smith, who is a long-term minister in Franklin, Tennessee (where a bunch of Christian musicians hang out) told a story of when he first got out of seminary. When he was interviewing for a youth minister job with a large church, one of the staff asked him, "What personal issues are you struggling with at this season in your life?"

With great confidence Scotty told this minister, "I don't have any questions left for which the Bible does not give me sufficient answers, and since I discovered the sovereignty of God, I don't struggle with anything."

Looking back on that pompous answer, Scotty realizes now what a Pharisee he was. He writes, "Pharisees have answers for everything. They confuse knowledge with spirituality. I had mastered the theology of grace without being mastered by the grace of that theology!" Over his two year period with that church, he was eventually broken of his pride. The Lord used a bold young woman to bring him to his knees, when she told him that he was a great teacher but didn't know how to love people.1

This story came to mind today as I reflected on a very interesting chapter I read last night in Joyce Meyer's popular book, Battlefield of the Mind. She told of how she became very confused when she tried to understand everything about God and the Christian life. Over time the Lord taught her that such reasoning can get in the way of knowing Him. Seeking full explanations from God can lead to idolatry and, as Scotty Smity illustrated so well from his early years in ministry, spiritual pride.

Joyce said that reasoning can become an addiction. Trying to figure everything out made her feel in control. And yet it wasn't until God revealed to her the foolishness of man's reason that she finally gave it up. And only then did she feel at peace with Him.2

I relate so well to these experiences of Joyce and Scotty. Years ago after spending a few sessions with a counselor, he told me, "Jim, you are such an analytical person." I thought that was a compliment. And while I don't want to downplay the value of good thinking, I see now that being over analytical can not bring the peace that Jesus offers. It certainly didn't for me. Rather than trying to figure out all the nuances of water baptism, or understand how the Holy Spirit works (which I tried to for many years), I needed to humble myself before the Lord and just surrender myself to His work in my life -- including my mind.

Having faith in Jesus, being in love with Jesus and loving others can lead you to do some rather "unreasonable" things. Like the preacher I heard once who said that the Lord told him to give his set of Ping golf clubs to his brother. This didn't sound reasonable to me -- especially since I love golf so much! But promptings from the Holy Spirit won't make sense to the worldly mind. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 2:14, the natural man does not understand the spiritual man.

However, when by faith we follow these promptings from Jesus in our heart, He certainly blesses our obedience. Even if it seems, well,unreasonable.

Jim

1. Scotty Smith and Steven Curtis Chapman, Speechless (Zondervan Publishing House, 1999), p. 64.

2. Joyce Meyer, Battlefield of the Mind (Warner Faith, 1995), pp. 99-102.

Leader Worship

As a new believer in the mid-to late 70's, I began to look to men and women in my church and watch how they followed Jesus. They were kind of like my training wheels, teaching me God's word, discipling me and modeling for me how to be husbands and wives, parents and employees. I needed to eventually take off the training wheels and fix my attention mainly on Jesus. Unfortunately, I took too long doing this and thus became at times disappointed and even disillusioned as I began seeing the flaws in these leaders -- and even some major moral failures in them.

Haven't you found that our human nature causes us to so easily attach ourselves to leaders, often to the point of unconsciously putting our trust in them rather than in God? I think that's why Paul was so strong in talking to the Corinthian church, which was suffering from the cancer of divisiveness and taking sides with various leaders. He reminds them of Who is to be the center of our trust:

Who is Apollos, and who is Paul, that we should be the cause of such quarrels? Why, we’re only servants. Through us God caused you to believe. My job was to plant the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God, not we, who made it grow.

God causes us to believe in Christ. And ultimately He is the one Who makes us grow in Christ.

I can see at least three problems with this tendency towards what I call "leader worship."

First, it sets up followers to eventually be disappointed. Sometimes in devastating ways. Several years ago I attended a weekend Christian writer's retreat. The conversation that stood out to me was with two women who had recently written a book about their pastor. And it was not a positive story. This dynamic preacher of a very large and growing congregation had a secret -- he was having multiple adulterous relationships with women in his church. When his sin was exposed, the congregation was deeply shaken. The book these women wrote described how this church slowly came back to life, which was a slow and painful process.

The second problem of putting leaders on a pedestal is that this places enormous pressure on the leader. I've heard far too many stories of pastors whom everyone looked up to and expected so much from them. Some churches with a heritage of a one pastor system have witnessed minister burnout or moral failures. They began to re-think leadership in light of the New Testament and discovered the wisdom of appointing elders so as to spread out the leadership of the congregation. I think this tendency towards leader worship makes it imperative for leaders to be vulnerable, confessional and to remind his or her followers to ultimately look to Jesus and not to them.

Third, and most importantly, our bent towards exalting human leaders takes our focus off of the living God. No matter how gifted our preacher or elder or women's leader may be, they all have feet of clay. Let's remind ourselves that any good thing coming out of a mutual follower of Christ is a result of the Holy Spirit at work in them. A good friend of mine is a tremendous teacher and leader. At times I've come up to him after he taught a class and thanked him for his great lesson. His response is always, "Well praise God." He never wants to take the credit but instead points me to the One who lives in him and enables him to teach so well.

We may be seed planters or water-ers, but there is only one Gardener. Oh, how I need this reminder so often. I want to be continually mindful of Jesus and worship Him for the good I see in others. And whenever I read a great Christian book, or hear a wonderful sermon or even witness the quiet work of one of His servants, I want my first response to not praise men. Rather, I want to give Jesus all the glory for how He works through frail, imperfect folks like you and me.

Jim

True Repentance

On and off throughout the weekend I continued working my way through the 700 + page biography of Martyn Lloyd-Jones, the dynamic Welsh preacher of the 20th Century. He preached for 30 years at Westminster Chapel in London. And his influence was pervasive throughout the evangelical world.

His preaching was very God-centered, where he emphasized the depravity of man, God's judgment on sinners and the marvelous and amazing grace that can be found through Christ alone and His death and resurrection. Here's one quote on true repentance that really gripped me:

Repentance means that you realize that you are a guilty, vile sinner in the presence of God, that you deserve the wrath and punishment of God, that you are hell-bound. It means that you begin to realize that this thing called sin is in you, that you long to get rid of it, and that you turn your back on it in every shape and form. You renounce the world whatever the cost...and take up the cross and go after Christ. Your nearest and dearest, and the whole world, may call you a fool, or say you have religious mania. You may have to suffer financially, but it makes no difference. That is repentance.

Our natural self doesn't want to admit our badness and our desperate need for a Savior. And yet I believe that in the preaching of the gospel the Holy Spirit will grip people with their utter sinfulness and realization that there is no where to turn but to Jesus.

I felt this trembling in my soul when I attended my first Promise Keepers and heard one of the first speakers preach on the power of the cross. I thought that I had come to that event to become a better husband and father. But what the Lord revealed to me first and foremost was a vision of His holiness and greatness and of my sinfulness and realization of how much I needed Him as my Savior. I needed to repent of my self-righteousness and self-sufficiency.

Facing the truth about ourselves and repenting of our sin is painful. And yet until we admit that in ourselves we have nothing to offer for our salvation and that it's all about God's grace, we're never going to experience true peace in our souls. At least that's been my experience. And that's what reading Dr. Lloyd-Jones biography has confirmed to me over and over.

Jim

Looking Back

My dear friend, Bryan Gibbs, sent me a weekly prayer guide a couple years ago. He now does this each year. Bryan's example prompted me to do the same. Each weekday has a particular topic for which to pray. He and I have sent one of these prayer guides to many friends and family members, asking them to pray for us, our families and our ministry -- Monday through Friday.

On Fridays, Bryan's "request" is this: "Join me in giving thanks to the Lord for His many blessings." Then he quotes 1 Thess. 5:16-18:

Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

And so, I thanked God for the great work He does through Bryan -- as a husband, father of four boys and leader at Continent of Great Cities in their mission work.

Bryan's request made me think of my Saturday mornings. Since I'm not as rushed to get to work, I like to have an extended quiet time on those days. And sometimes I'll spend much of my prayer time looking back on the week and thanking the Lord for how faithful He once more proved Himself to be.

It always amazes me when I look back even on a week's time and realize how good the Lord has been to me. And I know it pleases Him when I dwell on His faithfulness and thank Him for His blessings.

Jim

Self-Awareness

Our kids each told us a story recently that made me think of how important it is that we have a sense of self-awareness -- and how often we don't.

Shannon was traveling back from Iowa last Sunday after a visit to her boyfriend. She said that throughout the 2 hours flight from Des Moines to Dallas, a woman behind her talked non-stop to the passenger next to her. I would have gone crazy. A little chit chat on the plane is okay with me. But being stuck with a compulsive talker for two hours would drive me a bit nuts.

Then Aaron told us at dinner about how he was riding in the car with a friend for nearly three hours. His other friends were in the back so they could sleep. Aaron was exhausted after a very busy week. All he wanted to do was sleep. And yet the driver talked almost the entire trip. Aaron tried to give the guy a hint -- you know, eyes at half-mast, head nodding, maybe even pretending he was snoring. Apparently, his friend was oblivious to how sleepy Aaron was so he just went right on with his incessant monologue.

I'm curious how a lack of self-awareness impacts our relationship with others. I think that those who are married often have no idea how selfish they can be, or bossy, or controlling. Sometimes it takes a wakeup call from their spouse to realize their need to change. I've heard of wives telling their husbands how certain behavior of theirs really bothers them. As I recall, one of these wives names was Susan. Hmmm.

Isn't it interesting how we can see the flaws in others but we often can't see the defects/sins in ourselves? I'm wondering what you've found that makes you more self-aware...and realize that it's time for some changes.

As you get older, have you noticed your reaction when you see a picture of yourself? "Oh, I've got to lose some weight." Or "I didn't realize how gray my hair is." Or, "Am I really getting that bald?" A pause to take a look at ourselves can reveal the flaws that we normally don't see every day.

Maybe that's why Scripture describes God's word as a mirror:

For if you just listen and don’t obey, it is like looking at your face in a mirror but doing nothing to improve your appearance. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you keep looking steadily into God’s perfect law—the law that sets you free—and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

-- James 1:23

What does it take to become more self-aware -- to recognize our character defects which may be hurting our relationship with others, not to mention how we relate to God? I thought of a couple things:

1. Ask others who love you and know you well to speak the truth about you. If it's a close friend or a spouse, just say, "What are some things that I need to change in my life that would improve our relationship?" It takes a lot of humility and courage to ask such a question. But the answer, if this loved one is honest with you, could be a major turning point in your life. What is it that proverb says? "Better is open rebuke than hidden love." (Proverbs 27:5)

2. Ask the Lord to reveal ways you need to change. David's bold prayer comes to mind:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

- Psalm 139:23-24

Taking this personal inventory regularly can be painful. We may want to run from such self-examination, because we don't want to admit when we're wrong. And yet if we believe that the Father LOVES us and has good in store for us as He changes us for His glory, we'll regularly sit quietly in front of the mirror and allow Him do His spiritual makeover in our souls.

For the past several years I've met nearly every Tuesday for a prayer lunch with my dear friend, Neil Tatom. He often closes his prayer with these words: "Lord, please make us more like Jesus." Don't you think that if we keep asking the Holy Spirit to transform us into more Christ-likeness, He'll make us more self-aware? Jesus will show us ways we need to change, including sin in our lives that not only bothers others but also offends His holiness. He will then make us much more pleasant to be around. And He'll enhance our witness for Him before others.

And one of those changes will likely be that we''ll listen to others more... and talk less. Which makes for a much more enjoyable companion at work, in our homes -- and even when we're on a plane or in a car.

Jim

Apostolic Prayers

It was a few days before Thanksgiving -- 1983. I was sitting in a small chapel with my fellow seminary students at Harding Graduate School in Memphis. Doug Brown, one of our professors, prayed some of Paul's thanksgiving prayers. This was the first time that I could recall using Scripture as prayers. And I loved it.

Years later the Lord revealed to me these "apostolic prayers" of Paul. Eph. 1:14-19, Eph. 3:20; 1 Thess. 3:12-13; 2 Thess. 3:5. Prayers that we can pray over others. Whenever I am asked to pray for someone at an elders' meeting, I often choose one of these prayers and pray God's word and God's will over the brother or sister whom we're surrounding and laying hands on them. It always is a holy moment when we pray the word of the Lord over those asking for prayer. The Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts as we pray His will over others.

Susan and I were at a conference at a church this past weekend. It was called "Passion for Christ." One point that really stuck with me is when the speaker mentioned these 25 apostolic prayers in the New Testament. He said, "When you pray those prayers of the Bible you'll be praying God's will."

It made me think that since we believers still have our humanness, we're tempted to pray selfish prayers -- "Lord, do this. Father, please help me with that. Jesus, please change this person."

And yet when we're praying these apostolic prayers, our intercessions are GOD centered, rather than man centered. We exalt Jesus Christ in pleading for His will to be done in our lives and others when we're praying His word.

This makes me think of a book I absolutely love and recommend to you -- Praying God's Word by Beth Moore. Many of the chapters deal with the variety of issues we face as followers of Christ -- being under attack by the enemy, depression, struggling with forgiveness, etc. Every chapter has a section where Beth provides Scripture for us to pray over ourselves and others as they relate to the particular challenge we're facing.

I was struck with the power of these prayers as I read Romans 15 this morning and prayed this one over Susan before heading to work. It was Paul's prayer for the church. And I want to pray it for all of you fellow sons and daughters of God -- for you individually, your congregation and your family:

May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other—each with the attitude of Christ Jesus toward the other. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Amen. And Amen.

Jim